I overslept this morning. I remember repeatedly beating the alarm clock back into silence. I remember squinting at the numbers on the clock from under my pillow: 7:28. Cool, that sounds about right. As I was lying there I began to process the fact that the 7 o-clock was, in fact, an 8 o'clock ... Okay, NOT so cool. What was I dreaming about that was so great I didn't want to wake up? No, besides that, gosh! Naughty people.
I was thinking how amazing it would be to have a Twitter alarm clock, sending in the tweets of everyone I was following. I think it had something to do with getting sucked into the drama swirling around the current Twitter TOS controversy. I love a good scandal, especially one that involves stalkers and public name-calling.
But this Twitter alarm clock is going to kick ass. You say your friends are lame and only tweet every 3 days? (Okay, I only tweet every 3 days but that is beside the point). The Twitter alarm clock will have a setting for it to read off the public timeline. That way you don't have to worry about being late for that important meeting with your boss and trying to blame your 'Twitter alarm clock.' Your boss will have no idea what you are talking about, being the head-stuck-up-his-ass, non Web 2.0 Neanderthal that he is, and will think Twitter is some kind of Rabbit-like sex toy. You know Twitter does sounds like something dayglo and vibrating and latexy. Well it does! My Twitter alarm clock will get you up on time and you won't even be wasting daylight checking in with Twitter, you can listen to all your tweets while you get brush and floss and do whatever it is you do in the morning.
Just like any uber-geeky Sharper Image gadget, you will be able to set the voice processor and choose amongst a number of voices to read your tweets. I'm thinking William Shatner, Salma Hayek, and Snoop Dog are a few good ones to start with. Come on now, Snoop Dog reading your tweets is almost too awesome for words, you know it. Britney Spears when she is bipolar British Britney would kick serious ass too. 'It's Britney bitch, now get up and drive me to Starbucks! Oh, and @berry-gurl is riding the subway and thinking about what to have for lunch.'
Hey inventor dudes who sit around all day inventing stuff, get cracking on this for me, will ya? I know you are spending every precious minute on those freaky perfect women but put Little Billy back in your pants and help a sister out for once. I have even done my own crap-ass Paint mockup for you to take your inspiration from, see above. Don't forget to twitter me, http://twitter.com/mayjah, when you get 'er done. Have at it.
Oh, and you're welcome! You can thank me by naming a model after me, I like the ring of the Mayjah Twittah clock.
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