Espresso Monster

Behold that which is awesome (cue music):



I harbor a deep and unbridled love of coffee.Since my last post was about tea, I thought this would be a rather fitting segway out of the Grim Reaper's grasp. Next up, a post about Adderall, so stay tuned!

I am slowly creeping back up into pot-a-day territory. Why coffee gets such a bad rap I'll never know. Sure you might get jittery or suffer the occasional caffeine withdrawal headache but look at all you get in return. What else is going to pull you back from the brink of hangover hell, relax you, invigorate you, and smell stupendous?

My latest coffee gadget is the Mukka Express stovetop espresso maker, a lovely Mother's Day present. If you aren't American, a stovetop espresso maker is probably yawnsville but it is pretty newfangled to me, so hear me out. My first few attempts at using this thing were epic fails. Then I watched the DVD (Yes, it actually came with an instructional DVD, replete with cartoon-sized espressos. Just how did she get THAT much espresso out of the damn thing? All I get is enough for one mug.) and got a bit better.

It is still hit-or-miss though, which makes it so exciting. It's like jumping out of an airplane, will my shoot open? Will I plunge to my death? Will the little top fail to pop up and make cool Darth Vader sounds? Will my milk froth? Yes, this is my kind of excitement. I could just sip frothed milk off a teaspoon all day long and be happy.



The assembly is so positively steampunk that my husband will begin muttering about damn Europeans and their stupid contraptions and why aren't there pressure latches and why must it be so antiquated? The term 'asshattedness' is usually employed right about now. Surely there is a better way of building one of these things?

Basically you:

1. Pour water into the bottom reservoir, set in the espresso strainer, scoop some espresso into it, and then screw the milk jug on top. If there is even ONE speck of espresso out of place, you don't get a good seal and the water boils over. No espresso for you!
2. After the milk jug is screwed on, you put on the pressure valve (more wackiness as it doesn't actually click to either the 0 or 1 position, just slides in a nebulous limbo state between the two), pour in your milk and set it on the burner.
3. Now you need to make sure the pot butt is right over the flames and don't let the fire lick up the sides of the pot. Do Europeans have smaller burners? This is always tricky for me and my ginormous American burners.
4. Set your timer for 5 minutes and PRAY. If you are lucky, it sounds like a plane is taking off in your kitchen as the steam shoots through the assembly and froths the milk. Success!

The only disappointment is that I can't make bitchin espresso art with this thing, I think I would need a separate container for the milk. Although this pic does look like a little espresso monster to me. Rawr!