Just a few of my observations about The Incredible Hulk movie. The new, new Hulk movie, not the one done in 2003 by Ang Lee right before he did Brokeback Mountain. Please note I am not a comic book reader (a commie?) so I won't get into how inaccurate the Abomination was or how the Hulk should have used his auto-infernorator like he did in episode #3212 when he was fighting Captain Stingray. What I will tell you is:
- Gamma radiation is baaaaad.
- It may make you constipated, from the looks of it.
- And it will make your blood cells look like soggy Trix.
- Ed Norton has the breathing-technique skills to make a kick-ass natural childbirth coach.
- Liv Tyler is still a card-carrying member of the Keanu Reeves school of wooden, one-note acting.
- If you are still hung up on the gamma-radiated guy that got away, you'll probably wind up dating a closeted gay shrink, cause you're an optimist like that.
- William Hurt looks wicked cute with a Colonel Sanders mustache.
- Lou Ferrigno has been either a) hitting the gym b) hitting the juice. He still looks ripped as hell.
- It would have been 100% cooler if those college kids with the phones had used Twitter to share their footage.
- Bruce Banner can't get too horny or he'll go all Hulk-Shit on your ass. (But once he IS the Hulk, what is the problem? Bust out Mr. Green and get it on already! If the size of his hands are any indication .... wow.)
- If you set up location in Brazil you can cast an unbearably-hot, always dewy, Brazilian girl as a factory worker. And it is almost plausible, almost.
- A killer soundtrack, ala Iron Man, would have given this movie more punch. Tell me It's Not Easy Being Green wouldn't have been perfect when they were sitting in the rain?
- Tim Roth has a great pimp walk.
- The Hulk himself thought Ed Norton was an odd choice and blogged about it on his blog.
- I'm guessing Bruce Banner played cymbals in the marching band.
- A stretchy pants gambit is lame and just draws attention to the fact that his clothes still being on, at all, after an 'incident' is unlikely.
- The Hulk should ditch those Gilligan's Island Bermuda shorts he wears and just go full monty. It would make the post-incident scenes so much funnier.
- Apparently you can swallow a flash drive, regurgitate it, and not lose your data.
2 comments:
Does the hand-size/genitalia relationship thing work for women too? I can just picture a dating profile: "I'm Mandy and I've got enormous hands. So bring a friend."
Methinks you might be on to something. Maybe Chinese footbinding was just magical thinking that they could MAKE it tighter if the feet were smaller. Hmmm, sounds like a case for the Pussy PI.
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