Social Dancing and the Inspirational Bitch Slap

Confession time: I love to dance. I've spent years and years (and years and years) taking classes and workshops and practicing footwork drills so I'm not half bad. I'm not bragging, it's just simple science that hours of practice + $$$ + blisters + sweat + "sorry, can I try that again?" = good dancer. If I had devoted this much time to, say, phlebotomy, I'd probably be rather skilled at that by now.

A few years back, thinking that I was a reasonably capable dancer, I got all excited to go to Camp Hollywood, a huge swing camp held every summer in Los Angeles. Home of the National Jitterbug Championships, it brings in the top dancers and instructors from all over the world. Note that last little word there at the end of that sentence: world. Oh you may be a talented dancer amongst the handful of people you dance with. But then you go and throw World-Class Professionals into the mix and watch out, you get sucky real fast.

In it's purest form, swing is almost entirely improvised. In a Jack and Jill, you are randomly paired up with a partner and have to make it look good so you don't even get the benefit of familiarity with your partner. Here is an example of what this is supposed to end up looking like. This video features Nick Williams and Carla Heiney. I'm gonna repeat this again, this is im-pro-vised on the fly. She doesn't know what he's gonna throw down and he just does what he feels fits best with the music and suits his partner. Very hard skill to master and Nick and Carla hit the breaks nicely in this one:



Getting to take classes from famous dancers (like Nick and Carla above) you have only ever seen on DVDs and YouTube is another great reason to go to dance camp. I became a blubbering crazed fan at the mere thought of getting to breathe ... the ... same .... air as they were. That girl in the corner with the slack jaw and hanging on every word? Yeah, that'd be me.

But the competitions are what keeps me coming back year after year. You can watch video clips of amazing aerials and lightning fast footwork 'til you're blue in the face but nothing compares to seeing people dance this kick-ass in person. How did she know to do that right there, in perfect time with him? Did you see how he threw her in the air and she grabbed him and flipped him over her head and then he spun her around and played bongo-drums on her butt? Incredible!



Like a shot of adrenaline watching these people engage with the music and spontaneously express the song? You betch-ya. Inspirational and uplifting? Yes and yes. But then your brain catches up with the action and informs you, quite loudly actually, that it's realized you've made a horrible miscalculation and begins to fill your veins with the same horror you would feel if you were about to plow into a giant asteroid. Redirect, hard rudder to the right, abort, abort.

Watch all you want, oh yeah, soak it up but for the love of God don't get out there and try to move your limbs, you fool! Don't you have eyes in your head?!

You see, your brain has come to the realization that what you have been doing all this time, classified by you incorrectly as "dancing," must in fact be something else entirely because clearly this display you see before you is actual "dancing." What you have been doing and pawning off as dancing is really more akin to syncopated seizure episodes. How could you lie to your brain like that? Your brain is pissed now, trust this. You're about to get pwned by your own mind! Damn.

It's okay, that's just dance camp hazing and everyone has to go through it. Breathe, let the shaking subside, go out to the bar set up in the lobby and get yourself a stiff drink. Then get in there and hit it! Camp Hollywood is almost here, so if you're in the LA area, swing by and check it out.

Oh and if you hate boring old music check this out. Ben and Sheri (great teachers, right in Pasadena) bringing down the house with Footloose, newer boring old music: