Analysis of a Handbag

Confession time: I found a banana in the bottom of my purse today. A banana I apparently put in there several days ago. Okay, maybe a week. On the Top 1000 Great Things To Find In Your Purse list, bananas don't even make the cut. So why am I so ashamed of this? Well, I think it says a lot about me, all of it not good. Let's do a little Jungian handbag analysis here:

• my purse is rather cluttered
• my purse is teeming with enough oddities to disguise the presence of a banana
• I put perishables in my purse and promptly forget about them
• I don't clean out my purse on a weekly basis

See, there are apparently women in the world who not only check the contents of their purse from time to time, they even change handbags daily to match their outfits. These women bring shame upon the rest of us, the non-daily-purse-changers, and must be stopped. I know a girl who claims to change handbags EVERY DAY and always uses it as an excuse for being late. "Can't believe I was late again, couldn't decide on a bag." She's also 20 and beautiful and has stunning breasts so I'm sure her constant handbag-induced tardiness will go unpunished.

I, personally, have been carrying the same purse since last Christmas. It's a horribly loud, borderline obnoxious Betsey Johnson in a bright print with patent-leather trim. I fucking love this purse, so much so that I don't even care if it matches what I'm wearing. So there.

But this! This horrid incident, heretofore to be referred to as "the time I tried to make banana bread in my purse" needs to be a one-shot deal. I'm making a resolution to keep my handbag fruit free and tidy. With Betsey Johnson as my witness. So mote it be!