It's almost October so you'd best get crackin on that super-original Halloween costume. Your choices are boundless and sometimes that much choice is painful and stultifying, so I've whipped up a handy chart to make things easier on you.
Boys usually take Halloween less seriously and are more than happy to just slap a mask on their head and consider it done. Just as long as they get to carry a weapon, it's all good. Once they're older, they graduate to villains like "pimp" (or is that hero?) and more elaborate, gory renditions of killers. Note: I'm not talking about that special brand of nerds who make their own Stormtrooper uniforms out of plastics most befitting a Stormtrooper, information they found on the George Lucas webring. That's a different breed, folks.
Who ever said girls don't have more options than boys? There is NO glass ceiling in the lascivious Halloween costume industry gals! The possibilities are staggering. I've broken them down into three broad (get it?) categories but they are packed floor-to-ceiling with whorish goodness:
- Slutty career: fireman, policeman, baseball, football, referee, cheerleader, boxer, maid, nurse, military. Basic recipe: take any job, substitute a 4-inch swath of fabric for the bottom, add thigh-highs and BOOM, you're done.
- Slutty historic: Greece, Rome, Egypt, pirates, French Revolution, flappers, pilgrims, Indians. Did you know your history book is a treasure trove of debauchery? Sure some are obvious (hello? Greece and Rome), but with stilettos and bounding cleavage, any era can be made hot. Ever had a pilgrim give you an erection? Plymouth rock, man.
- Slutty fictional: witch, sorceress, nymph, fairy, nursery rhyme heroine, angel, devil. Who knew nursery rhymes could be so thrilling? Check out Little Miss Muffett's tuffet, dude!
1 comments:
Yes, I probably should have added that I own at least a dozen slutty Halloween costumes myself. Delicious yet completely devoid of nutritional value, the costume equivalent of a Pop-Tart.
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